


Erin has a crisis

by theothr_amy



Category: Derry Girls
Genre: Coming of Age, Erin is a bi disaster tm, F/F, Gen, aka amy projects onto more dearly beloved characters in an attempt to make them gay too, coming out fic, light gay pda, self discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theothr_amy/pseuds/theothr_amy
Summary: “I’ve been doing some thinking” Beside her, Clare inhaled sharply “and I think-“ She grimaced again “I think that I might, possibly” Clare looked toward her inquisitively “I might be- gay” She regretted it almost immediately. You can’t just decide to be gay. You can’t come out before you know can you? Can you?I basically used Erin’s interaction with Charlene as inspiration and Clare’s coming out to create Erin having a bi crisis





	Erin has a crisis

**Author's Note:**

> I have to give some amount of credit for the Clare/Orla ship (and the nick name Clare Bear) to @marsy_142 who also beta’d this fic for me

The past few weeks had been hectic.  
The girls arrived home on the day of the talent show to have their teenage glee interrupted, stalled with news of a bomb. The others were sent home and the Quinn/McCool family sat in silence. Scared, terrified even that the TV would spit out another statistic of the incident; that more of their own would be lost to a bomb. Strict curfews were imposed and bus routes changed, more guards and more checkpoints were added, under the guise of safety. Life continued in Derry as it always did.

For Erin however, life had changed substantially. The events of that day kept playing in her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, her Clare, a lesbian. Clare? of all people, Clare? 

Their conversion weighed heavily on her mind. How could she fancy girls? Girls like her? Girls with long hair and soft faces. Girls who have gentle voices and sweet eyes and gorgeous bodies. Girls like Charlene Kavanagh who are intelligent and witty and always so welcoming. Girls like Michelle, rowdy and boisterous who never let anyone disrespect them. Girls like Jenny Joyce who had their lives planned out, who had the world all figured out. Timid girls like Aisling. Girls who were just so perfect and amazing and-

-oh sweet suffering Jesus.

She isn’t is she? She can’t possibly be- Erin fancied boys, always, Erin absolutely fancied boys. Boys like David O’Donnely who are athletic and artsy and intelligent. Or men like Peter, with kind eyes and soft hearts. Even at a stretch boys like James, thoughtful and funny and relaxed. Boys with broad shoulders and strong muscles; these were objective facts that Erin knew. She liked boys. Her mind kept feeding her reassurances, but she couldn’t stop herself from wondering- what if?

Erin sighed, glancing over to the other side of the room to Orla. She’d taken the whole Clare situation far better than Erin, especially considering that she didn’t actually know lesbians existed until last week.  
Erin balled her bedsheets into her hands, pulling those hands up to her face in a mock prayer position. She just couldn’t get her head around it. Could she too be gay?

Gay or otherwise Erin needed to sleep; and so she allowed herself to drift off and dream. Almost as soon as she fell asleep she was awake again, awoken to the sound of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” blasting through the flimsy headphones of Orla’s cassette player. 

“Erin you need to wake up now. It’s 7:30, you’ll be late!” Her ma commanded from downstairs. In reply Erin just pulled her sheets tighter and closer, could she not wallow in her crisis of sexuality for even a minute?  
“Erin! I won’t tell you again!”  
Groaning, Erin shot up and dressed herself, just as Orla headed down for breakfast. She gazed into the mirror and sighed, her thoughts from last night still weighed heavily on her mind and she knew she needed to talk to Clare. She trudged down the stairs to sit beside Orla at the table, nicking a slice of her toast. Orla, who was none the wiser was sat on Erin’s left gazing wistfully at her tape deck. 

“What’ve you got there love?” Aunt Sarah inquired, poking her head around into the kitchen.

“Just a wee tape mammy” Orla replied with her usually delicate and  
docile tone. Erin rolled her eyes, Olra had been acting oddly aloof recently- more so than usual, especially near Clare (who she had began calling her “Clare-bear” whatever that meant) and Erin wanted no part in it. She shoved her plundered toast into her mouth and flung her blazer and bag into her back.  
“And where exactly do you think you’re headed to?” Her mother pestered again  
“I’m off to school, Ma. Is that not allowed now?”

“What, and you’re leaving poor wee Orla behind?”

“Ma, she’s fifteen” She spat “poor wee Orla can take care of herself”

Erin sighed before leaving the house, with Orla hot on her heels, half a piece of toast sticking out of her mouth and her tie around her wrist for absolutely no apparent reason. The blonde stopped for a second, allowing her cousin to catch up before heading off down their road. The streets were quiet and lonely, as the girls sunk below the looming city toward the river. The roads of the suburbs eventually merged, allowing Clare to join their group. Erin, who had finished her toast and was desperate to nick Orla’s second piece, turned just in time to witness an odd scene. She watched on in what was akin to abject horror as Clare and Orla shared an oddly passionate peck on the lips.The couple turned to Erin and gave matching gleeful grins. She attempted to stave off the inevitable looks of confusion and terror that must have been smattered across her face and could only stutter out.

“You two? Really?” she sighed, resigned to the fact that whatever she’d say wouldn’t have any effect on their relationship “Sure, that’s grand -whatever”

“Are you sure Erin? Cause it really doesn’t sound that way” Clare urged, taking a defensive stance while her face flushed a dark pink

“hush now Clare Bear, Erin’s absolutely fine with it” Orla said before planting a gentle kiss onto the top of her girlfriend’s head

“Clare-“ Erin interrupted, reminding herself of her crisis last night “ can I” she stalled, clueless as to how to approach the topic ”can I talk to you for a wee second”

“Sure, what’s wrong?”

Erin grimaced, sucking her teeth in the process “I mean” she glanced at Orla “Privately” 

Clare reluctantly let go of Orla’s hand, which she had been grasping gently for the whole ordeal and stepped toward her fellow blonde. The trio began walking again, with Erin leading the group as usual. She glanced over at Clare apprehensively, “ I need to talk to you”

“Is it about the gay thing?”

She inhaled sharply before replying “sort of” Clare shot her a look that probably meant ‘well get on with it then’ 

“I’ve been doing some thinking” Beside her, Clare inhaled sharply “and I think-“ She grimaced again “I think that I might, possibly” Clare looked toward her inquisitively “I might be- gay” She regretted it almost immediately. You can’t just decide to be gay. You can’t come out before you know can you? Can you?

“Oh come off it!” Clare guffawed. “ You’re just doing a Michelle, you’re trying it for attention. Well, it won’t work; some of us”- she glanced at Orla -“ have actually struggled with this Erin, we’ve actually had to debate this in our mind. You can’t just-“

“- I know. I know I can’t just decide to be gay Clare. I just. You, being brave enough to come out, even after I said that stuff to you. It made me think, you know. It made me think about my feelings and maybe that I might be gay too.” Clare had stopped in her tracks, eyes and moth wide open. 

“You’re not gay! You like men Erin! You like David and Peter and,” it abruptly occurred to Clare that going to an all girls school severely limited Erin’s choice of men “and, and other boys” 

“Shh keep your voice down” Erin glanced around anxiously, making sure that nobody could hear Clare’s sudden outburst, they were still in highly homophobic Derry, after all. She pulled Clare closer and then whispered loudly “ I think I like girls too. I think I like” she paused before continuing in a strained breath “I think I might like Charlene” 

“Charlene?! Charlene Kavanagh?” Clare had stopped walking again, for the second time in their conversation. “Let me get this straight- you think you’re gay? For Charlene Kavanagh? A girl who you once called ‘stuck up and depressing’?”

Erin winced, perhaps she was slightly harsh on Charlene. “I may have called her some names, aye” She tiptoed around her next sentence “the way you look at Orla “ She glanced back to her cousin, who was now inspecting some road-side flowers “that’s the way I look at David, and sometimes Charlene” She turned back to Clare, awkwardly staring at her feet. She regretted this whole exchange. Apprehensively, Erin pulled her head up to meet Clare’s gaze. 

“You’re not serious though are you Erin?” Clare began with a joking tone, just stopping herself as she met her friends eyes, misty and threatening to spill over at any given point. She sighed gently, realising that Erin was in fact telling the truth, and pulled her into a tight hug, urging her girlfriend to do the same. Clare traced calming circles into Erin’s back as she heard the other girl sniffle quietly. 

“Gay or straight, Orla and Michelle and James and I will still love you, yea. You’re no different to any of us, and we still love you loads”

“sure, you’re still me wee cousin, Erin.” Orla spoke, while tucking some wilted daisies into the front pocket of Erin’s blazer. Partly for luck, partly because they looked pretty. “It doesn’t matter who you like”

Erin pulled the other girls tighter toward her, smiling through her gentle crying. She was okay again.  
Everything was okay again.


End file.
